Carrmen

missing these badly

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 09:08:43 GMT

it was many years ago, but memories are still fresh and i'm missing it badly ...

missing the super spine chilling weather, missing the piping hot juicy barbequed meat melting in your mouth, missing the hassle of going to toilet removing layers of clothing, missing the ''ayam cakap dengan itik'' languages, missing sleeping soundly in the bus when the tour guide was about to talk, missing drinking horrible liquor and still wants for more, missing the ''eh this is pork, they cannot eat!'' moments, missing the authentic korean food, missing the snow...

most of all, i'm missing my dear friends and hope they're well.

i still miss Korea....aiseh...

up for a trip people ?

remakes aren't that bad

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:15:21 GMT

currently hooked on F4 ala Korean version, the plot is almost the same. It's differences is without guys with hideous long hair like a girl. it's nice to watch and all thanks to my colleague, Chris for recommending.

i told my family, aunty and cousin that i'll go for a swim at 8am last Saturday, and it's usual and expected to get answers like '' yeah! we will see'' because ...afterall i'm very good in procrastination.

well...i managed, though i was 20 minutes late but the first thing i did besides kicking the dog out of the room was to check whether the pool is clear. It was quite cold and windy when i was at the balcony for few seconds. i was thinking '' freeze to death or what ?!'' gleefuly put on my new purchased .....went to Arena, got 50% so what..can i forgo comfort level, not to say i'm stick thin or cucumber size..we are talking about wintermelon size! and i found out getting a swimsuit is also similar to getting a bra... ohmygod. Buy swimsuit also must makedo so many aspects.

back to swimming shall we...

yeah, it was blardy cold. dived in...first lap....i thought my family will have to claim my corpse from the managament office - i almost passed out because it was so exhausting.

For 1 hour plus...i only managed 5 laps only. the rest of the time i was floating and looking at the sky. terrible swimmer. My arms are aching now due to freestyle, where are the days which i used to swim 24 laps and feel nothing - oh...that was in 1998. dang. My next target is to the gym and tradmill and nothing more.

Did i mentioned after my swim this afternoon i chow down a piece of heavenly brownies and fish burger. hehe...whats the use of exercise hor ? ngek ngek.

Last Friday was a good night, went to 1u with Reiko and Amoi..had our super huge dinner at TGIF - promo set is worth every ringgit RM29.90++ but thats because we seldom dine in american restaurants. Watched Marley and Me, very dissapointed..was hoping to see more parts on marley but in my opinion it was tooooooooo focused on John and Jen's relationship. The best part was the last part T_T i like the book better

today is my off day, spend the whole day inside bro's room watching youtube (boys over flowers *_* ) and the plumber was at the kitchen knocking tiles and drilling holes. thats the end of my day....sighs

oh! trading in one of the old cars for a new one. Initially the father proposed Persona because it's a good ....it looks good also. Not to say i dont like it, i'm alright with it but after a tour in the showroom...it's quite a turn off :

1. monthly installment was way out of my ability, it's either i live with the car or i live without the car situation.

2. quite big la....

so now i'm narrowed down my choice, actually hor! i got not much choice also la. I'm getting Viva, i know how i used to say '' if i get Viva for 30k++ might as well i dump in another 10k for MYVI ''. looking at my current financial situation ... i dont have the power to call the shots. Laptop ? nah....forgoing that, can't commit adi ....T_T.

Car > Laptop Laptop < Car .... Car = Laptop = i dont have to eat, no incurance coverage, walk to work, no swimming no gym, family kick me out of the house..

There's a shop in Pandan Indah, Perodua car's rebate up till RM2k++.......nice!

anyway..... i'm dont want to put so much hope in it la. back to work..aiseh.

moved

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 15:24:33 GMT

finally for the internet access!

this should be the 3rd week since we've moved to Kelana, so far everything is okie, access around Pj has never been so near and fast. I still have to get used to the routes, i've been taking longer ways to reach ss2 or Taman Bahagia because i'm still driving like how i drove from pj to subang.

i'm not missing subang at all, not many friends left staying there. Mostly are in pj and kl area. and the best part....i'm not late to work after i've shifted, it only took me 15-20minutes. Finally.

Last week was such a drama-rama week, we sent Goldie to JB last monday and through out the whole journey she was quite tame and quiet in the car. The moment we left her at a pet shop for someones care, tears are uncontrollable. The next day i gave that owner a call, she said once we left, Goldie kept sitting at the front door waiting for us to come back for a very long time, she tried calling her but Goldie did not respond, she tried dragging her in but Goldie refused to go in..she ate very little that night. The most heartbreaking part was, the owner said : she could sense you all don't want her.

I told the owner to tell Goldie we're sorry and it's not that we don't want her. After i hang up, i cried ...in the office while working. *paiseh*. That night, everyone at home was quite sad for Goldie, she isn't JUST a dog, she's a part of our family. So the brother and mother did something amazing and brought her back. hehehe.

Every week at work is either a new heart-attack or something to learn. Last week was an end of a huge function, i did nothing much and owed it to those in banquet because those are the ones who've made it successful. at the same time, i don't get how someone wise and respectable to would nod his head over ...a plastic doll.

there are things i thought it only happens on TV but it turns out to be true and perhaps all the adults are right when they told us the world outside is different and true! I am still quite naive over things i've heard and seen, till now i still don't get it and ...never intend to bother much. it all about work everytime i blog huh.... skip it.

i've been working non-stop since January till now, This week onwards will be the last call, after 3 events and i'm going to spend some time resting my brains and feet. Since there's a a pool and gym, April will be a good month to exercise. First up, have to get myself a swimsuit and oMIloots!!!! how come swimsuits are so expensive nowadays ? made of fine gold and white gold is it ? pengsan.

and hopefully Marley and Me is still on cinemas so that i can watch, my last was Quarantine - i think the movie was last year. Last week my dad suggested maybe for next year CNY we would break tradition and go for holiday. And because of tiny winy suggestions, it has flooded my mind and made me ultra happy.

and the plan about trading in old cars for RM5000 also hypes me, maybe its time for charade. hmmmm, i heard to trade in for Perodua cars is in April, Proton is March. Few weeks ago, the mother said it's better to get a new car since i'm always back late from work, then she went on saying '' nowadays got some cars quite cheap, like Avanza. ''

my eyes almost popped, thinking AVANZA is cheap!? wah my mother might have strike a million euro lottery. she repeated Avanza twice and i said to her '' meee, avanza from toyota cheap ah ?! '' ....

she pointed at the car and said ....neh Avanza is cheap mah ...the car she pointed was a VIVA from Perodua. ohMYmother.

by the way, where can i get a laptop with only RM1500nett, this is what i'm willing to spend, the maximum is to RM1900nett (abit reluctant la).

and again,not that i'm earning alot but there's so many things that i want T_T and i think i still have to pay for my life insurance due 2 months...dang.

how about ,i want stuff that i dont have to commit (monetary wise) ? nice!

it's been awhile

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 07:46:22 GMT

even how busy i was in college, i still have time for some nonesense to scribble here and there, times are different now. Or maybe i just don't know what to say anymore.. because ...at times i felt like if i were to just voice out or to think about certain things would make me feel like a failure.

i think the best vocabulary to describe about myself now is : Failure. i felt like a loser and i seriously think everyone in this world even a kiddo from standard one is much smarter and better than me. I felt like i have lost the will to fight for my dreams, to fend for myself, to make myself believe that i'm not that terrible.

i've heard alot about people just shut themselves and live in their own world and i used to think why can't they just stand up and be strong. Now i could feel it and understand why, because it's quite an indescribable feeling.. if i am given an option too i would choose to shut myself away from this world. Perhaps i don't know how to deal with failures, i cried so much this year and i really have so much respect for those who are around me that are so strong, i kinda wonder how they do it.

God, if this is a trial for me, i've just failed and even earn myself a negative 100%. But God i'm not contented with my current situation and i hope this will not last long.

This week hasn't been all bright and smiley, my worst day was on Friday when my car broke down in the middle of the road in Summit. I purposely left home early at 6.45am to be at work and i ended up reaching at 8.30am. Things didn't just end there, thousand series of bad news just flow from beginning to end.

Yesterday noon was the breakdown; i reached home and just started crying because i felt i couldn't handle it anymore. While i was accompanying mom to somewhere else i just couldn't be myself. I'm very glad that she shared her point of views with me and her experiences too, and of course i cried some more.

Since Friday was a terrible nightmare from hell, i kinda felt that God has just dump me somewhere else to die, but i never thought of the fact that life isn't always bright and sunny, that God has placed people around me, that at times i have to learn to walk.

I have to admit that i very weak emotionally at this point, even right now i'm about to cry.

anyway, on a brighter note.

We've finally gotten our ''key'' to our new place, went over for major clean-up yesterday. Guess in another 1-2 weeks, we'll be able to move in FOR REAL.

My dad has found Goldie a new place and it is a confirmed one. The family loves dog and even has a male Labrador Retriever, however they lived in Johor but as long as they love Goldie thats all i care about. Hmm..Lab puppies perhaps ? :D

i think my last purchased of CDs or Tapes was 2001. I bought 2 CDs by Khalil Fong, a Hongkee born in Hawaii. I saw him performing in Channel V live and really love his style of singing. I have lots of respect for singers who composes their own songs -he is one, and currently he is one of the most popular singers in Hong Kong. i think he only sings in chinese. Purchased 2 of his albums and loving the calmness in the music.

thats all about it i guess..

in a place of files and papers

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 08:00:57 GMT

pc and internet kaputed for a week plus so far, hard disc might have just died and there's nothing worries me more than the pictures in my pc. The last time i checked i had like 11gig of pics.

sighs.....

life has been alright so far, i'm running on treadmill trying to learn as much as possible. just very thankful for helpful colleagues.

the only thing that kills me is waking up early and still get stuck in the jam. What's up with the traffic nowadays ? Sometimes when i'm running late for work and i seriously think twice whether should i say i'm caught in a jam because from Subang - Sunway only takes 15minutes or so ? But how on earth could i take a minimum of 30-45mins to get out of this massive-irritating-senseless jam.

if i tell the ghost also wont believe la...correct or not ?

hmm..i guess we're only be able to move in by next month, since contractors and all are not working from this week onwards until end of chinese new year. which also means more time spend with Goldie.

anyway...gotta go back to work.. tommorrow is my evalutation -_- die la.... cest tout.

deux zero zero neuf

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 13:50:55 GMT

sighs....recycle pic in 2007 countdown pic at 1u.
this is the one which we all got stuck at the parking lot for 2 hours.

my new year started with no bangs or any fireworks, went out with ATMer's in Putrajaya thinking there will be fireworks display at 12AM.

Charlie and gang asked the police whether will there be fireworks and 3 different policeman answered :

SUDAH 3-4 TAHUN TAK ADA BUNGA API, KITA PUN TAK TAU KENAPA BANYAK ORANG GATHER DI SINI.

-_-llll

we thought of asking some people around us : eh , apasal you di sini ya ?

................................ this was our new year. hahahahaha.

Original plan was to join the crowd at the Curve for new year celebration, thinking about the jam itself is enough to kill you mentally and physically. thinking back 2-3 years ago when Reiko, Grace, Alice, Wan Ting, Michelle, Sung, Ivy and Chong was stuck at 1U parking lot for 2 hours - serious.

So we skipped our plan and thought of Putrajaya, instead we were greeted with police sirens and mat rempits'. ehe. With the power of Charlie's DSLR, we spend our time taking pictures and more pictures. But i'll always bear in mind - places with no jam = no fireworks/ events.

besides that, it was a good start of the year to gather with some of the peeps there was a certain point of time i almost lost touch with them. I think god answered my prayer too when i randomly asked Bill if he wants a dog and he said he loves dogs and he doesnt mind.

who knew i'll get an answer when i wasn't expecting one. thank god. It was also happy to hear that he feeds his 2 lil dogs porridge and egg everyday, most importantly he brings them for walks! With this, i'm very relieved that Goldie will be in good hands. Down side of it ? He stays in Sri Kembangan and i'll just have to waste some fuel to visit Goldie =) which isn't that bad also la.

2008 was indeed an eventful cum memorable year for me. It wasn't a bed full of roses, there were some down moments too which i guess it happens to everyone.

2008 has allowed me to accomplish what my parents and i wanted : which is none other than completing my degree, on top of that, now that i'm financially independent i think it's a major relief for them la. Till now i still couldn't believe how did i changed so sudden from a student enjoying life to working life, i think things come to you when you expect the least out of it.

2008 impacted my mindset about life, the country, savings, etc. it has allowed me to travel to France which i never thought i would be in million years to come. Through my father's condition i learned that life is too short to harbor at certain feelings and it's best to see things with an open eye and mind.

there are a whole LOAD of things that is coming thru my mind while reminiscing the year of 2008, moments...emotions...thoughts.

as of now..

2009..i would seriously want to enjoy life. I don't think i would want to tie myself 24/7 solely to work. I want to make it a year that i could look back in 2010 and go '' it's a good year ''. It doesn't matter what i would need to go thru for 2009 - i need something subtle.

2009 :

* i think my yearly resolution is to travel to at least a country or place . Amoi and Reiko talked about Taiwan in October, that sounds like a plan. Esther talked about Phuket or Bali in Mar / April..good plan too. But it all comes down to - money and entitlement to leaves.

* attend Yatty's wedding...this applies to the one above as well.

* I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO MOVE TO STERLING. hahaha.

* Losing weight - need i say more ? hahaha i think with the pool and gym in Sterling, i can, hope it's not in another 4-5 years to come.

* A stronger relationship with god, sometimes i really need to be strong and know that he is in control and not let my emotions running like chicken without head.

* Have good saving habits. Gosh! Sometimes i think i earn in pounds lo, really need to start saving or else my bank statement would look like longkang only. I'm trying to save at least RM800 per month, tho it seems little but it's alot for me.

* I really hope to see myself advancing at work, i want to improve and do better at work..it's a prove to myself in knowing what are my capabilities.

* I think i want to have braces on. sighs..talking about saving money.

* Spend more time with family and friends.

* I'm still trying to get myself to read a book. dang it, i'm the only one in the family that doesn't read. My dad does, my mom does, my brother reads alot.

me black sheep..beh beh.

I'm trying to save some money so that in future i could study bakery and get a cert. but this plan has to be put on hold for another 5-10 years from now. I hope it won't take me long la.

to be continue.... last but now least :

Wishing everyone a wonderful 2009 ! happy new year.

�_� : say what ?

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 15:42:51 GMT

Christmas came and the next day was all over, now i'm just waiting to celebrate the end of 2008, which ..to me is one of the most memorable year of my life.

there's always a thing for me to do and i can call it my specialty, things like these doesn't happen very often nor is it predictable, it just happens when it has to. Don't even bother asking how and why, because Kang Carr-men herself couldn't remember as well.

I must say, it's one of the best christmas and new year gift i've given to myself this year.

a big round of applause to my new artwork of 2008

things like these can be pull off by carr the egg e.a.s.i.l.y

soaring red and find me walking like a cripple.

all happened outside of a hypermarket with quite a handful of onlookers, i guess they must be giggling inside out watching me falling clueless-ly. if you really asked how ? i don't know too. all i remember was walking down from the stairs and POOPlak! i was kneeling on both my knees and hands on the floor with my stuff on the floor, and why must it be on a tar flooring - sighs.

never know when will i stop falling and begin to walk with my eyes and mind intact.

i really need to limp to make it feel better, i seriously can't walk straight because i could feel the wounds tearing apart sort of feel. now i'm trying to figure out how am i going to wear skirt to work leh.

sighs. onions onions.

anyway with pain and all, it doesn't kill my mood for christmas celebration with my ol'timers. i think mission DIEt Impossible is after all IMPOSSIBLE. This year i've tasted so many good food and how can i simply resist the peanut mayo dip by my mother ? the deep fried fish fillet by my uncle with his western tau-foo a.k.a caramel custard ? mouth watering curry mutton and macadamia cheesecake at reuben's place ?

my thought for diet had just died. and what else, chinese new year is around the corner.

when i thought i wasn't enjoying christmas fully, maybe i was wrong because as i have one of my memories flashback..i actually did. with my family and friends. though i'm still trying to digest the fact that christmas isn't all about gifts, it's kinda hard for me because whenever i think about christmas the second thought that comes to my mind is present. ngek ngek.

----------------------------------------------

choon ling couldn't take goldie anymore, i truly understand her obligations because i was once like her and i know how it feels to have many things to care about and i certainly won't want her to feel worn out.

i still remember few weeks ago, there was one or two approached us for goldie and now all of the sudden, these potential owners aren't up for it. why la.... where are you ????????

I'm feeling very guilty and sorry for Goldie, it's like i have wreck her life! just like that. she deserves much better life than this.

now i'm just praying hard that god will bless this cute bugger of mine to have a lovely owner. i don't know how much longer would she live but i wish the days and years to come, she's living well and love. because of my selfishness for convenience and much comfortable living, i have traded her for it. and i think the worst part is, she doesn't know that we're moving soon and giving her away, i won't want her to think we hate her or we don't love her anymore thats why we're giving her away. If i knew this is so hard and difficult i would seriously asked to stay on at this place till she dies only we move, but i thought it was really easy at the first place. i was wrong.

i don't ask for much at this moment but for someone to look after her and love her. she's not really difficult to take care. nowadays all she does is sleep and eat, it's the age factor thats catching up and she's less active like she used to.

7 years of feelings isn't that easy to put away, on top of everything else it's unforgettable since day one. we're most probably moving in a month or so, and till then God i really hope you answer my prayers like you always do, though she's only a dog but she means alot to me. thanks you God, amen.

year end yet ?

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 14:25:29 GMT

2008 is about to end in another one and half weeks time, life is full of changes and this year had certainly been the most eventful and unexpected one.

never knew that it will be that soon i'll have to 'literally' feed myself, little do i know most of my friends are away from me working in other places, and didn't expected that i would have committed myself into working life that soon.

last year at this time, i would've been rushing for unfinished assignments or driving to Ridzuan/Mentari for yumcha...or just planning for the next outing over msn.

am i prepared for all these changes ?honestly, no. i know eventually i have too but i didn't know it would be <this> soon.

i missed studying life alot, i reckon it is the best memory of my life, from primary till college. Everything was so flexible, sleep whenever, play whenever... blissful isn't it.

I've learnt quite alot for work this week, from all the little mistakes which has turned into monstrous ones. believe me when i say i truly learned. i came in with nothing and i'm really trying to grasp hold of what i could, i got hold of some but there are plenty for me to learn. a few commented that i acted smart, seriously, i wish i could act smart because acting smart seems like there's alot of confidence in it but the truth is - me and my stupidity and clumsiness has lead myself to stumble upon a big mess. so i actually wished i acted smart than stupid. at the same time, i'm also reminding myself that i should not be too depressed instead i should pick-up myself from where i fall and learn from it. all and all, i really really thank god for my life for the people around me and so much more, i think without him....i'm long gone toasted alive in flames already. merci beaucoup mon dieu !!!!

tho i may bitch all about work and what not, but it's just a big sigh to release the negative energy out, it's not like i really hated it and wanted it out, it is just thoughts . And looking at the coming crisis ..it just gives me goosebumps. ending a good year with fear for next year ? it's awful and terrifying.

maybe i should also thank god that i graduated this year instead of next year, or else really 'jar tau' -_-lll

my mom has been telling me on and on and on about how she'll miss the house badly and she cried because she's missing it so much. I don't know whats up with my feelings, but i know i hate going back home when i'm caught in a senseless traffic jam!Traffic jam in USJ does not make sense. and the fly over bridge from Subang airport to Summit USJ has been nothing but a bundle of bad news. The whole planning, fixture, and idea of this fly over concept only contributes to clogging cars into 2 lanes. There's never been heavy traffic flow early in the morning of Sunday until now. Will be moving next year i guess and i'll jumpstart my DIEt mission impossible! *as if *

i'm still missing KOREA !!!!!!!!!!!!

many thanks

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 08:25:55 GMT

this years celebration has toned down a lot compared to last year with all face smashing into the cake, steamboating with many fishballs and fishballs, mixing drinks like nobody's business, skipping from places to places and laughing our heads off.

nonetheless, i had one of the most memorable celebration to remember, is the time spent with many different people over simple dinners and drinks. This year i was reminded that is not how much fun i can have but how can use this special occasion to keep in touch and stay connect with those whom are close to my heart as much as possible.

yes, yes. it sounded very corny like some pick-up line i learned from movies, but it's very true on how i can allow myself to lose touch with so many friends i had and because of 1.12.2008, i got to speak to many friends i've not spoken for the last 3 years or more.

The whole morning till evening, i was just geeing happily at the messages i received, erm..not counting how many i received but the joy inside my heart that tells me my friends are still here and they remember me.

the best present i received this year are the messages, calls and hugs. They meant alot to me and it really keeps me positive. Memories of last year kept coming back and how i wish everyone are still here and together. Occasionally i really think that i have not much friends, muahaha.

and the best part was, i didn't really felt like it was MY BIRTHDATE, probably it was a monday and i had to work. i don't know, but when my birthday was on college days i was ever so looking forward because i knew that there's fun ahead and madness was about to explode!

just want to thank everyone of my friends in my circle, for giving me the best memories in life and tolerating my stupidity when it comes to telling jokes and being such a drama queen or just simply standing by me always.

------------------------------------------

it's S A L E, so what ? went out with mother yesterday to few different places and i thought of getting shoes and maybe a pair of watch for myself - since i never had a proper one in like 4-5 years. i got discounts from a certain shop and i thought again - okiela, spend more but take it as long -term investment right.

i always like to bluff myself with - Long Term Investment phrase. but i like it.

ended up, my mom got herself shoes and a pair of watch.

>.< !!

and it also turns out, my discount expired and the new one is soon to be release, so i have to wait for like another day or two.

and even more great news ?

i've gained so much weight ever since i started working, i've been told by few colleagues of mine that i put on weight than when i first came in.

so mission DIEt impossible is happening soon. wish me luck. or not.

it's really stressful

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 12:59:08 GMT

i think the most stressful part now for me is i'm wasting loads of energy and time, worrying. you know sometimes things are so freaking sensitive and if i spill the beans here i might ended up using my parent's EPF to live for life - haha.

honestly, this few weeks hasn't been all great and dandy, sometimes i wished after 2 years i just want to get the hell out of this place. The only things that are keeping sane at this point of time :

1. the people there helps a lot, they've been through and still going through shits and they are so understanding.

2. god has been so good to me and i couldn't pull through a moment without him.

3. my family. parents and even brother do contribute alot especially when it comes to talking all about it. Sometimes a simple question from the brother about work makes me feel lighter. And mom & dad understand the world out there much better than me. And looking at goldie makes me feel comfortable.

4. friends that are going thru the same thing, we relate well.

without these, i seriously think i would have an emotional meltdown. I wish things are not that pushy, i wish that she could have more patience when it comes to asking a simple question, i wished that she is more understanding and wouldn't quickly assume that '' once a bad ass will always be one ''.

there are things i won't commit myself in doing like i've mentioned previously and i know very well it would cost my comfort zone. But if this is what i have to go through i believe god is there and he will be there to hold me.

i'm feeling all crap inside out, i really want to cry out loud but i know the problem or should i say the worried-ness would not end. and how ridiculous it is to fear a christian when i should fear god at first place. I even prayed that God would speak to her on how to be a nicer person but it's not going to happen i guess. see! i'm so desperate for a miracle.

i'll try to stay alive and strong as long as i could. i don't want to back out now , it's not how i should react besides it will be such a coward act if i choose to back out for 1 person. i'm here to stay and enjoy.

my motto is :

i don't care about you, as long as i do what i should do, i do it right and that is it.

but really, 为什么有人会这么喜欢别人捧他们呢? 不 ' 刷鞋 ' 就是错吗? 难道公事公办这个道理已经 expired? outdate ? 了吗? 只是想做好自己的本奋,也许这就是所谓的真世界吧, 我太天真了吗? 我只知道我有尊严, 活的比地狱烂都无所谓! 做人要抬得起头来,对得起良心!!

咳! 讲这么多, 到头来还不是每天＇跨心钓胆＇的过天.

天啊!!!!! 救命啊!!!!　希望这两年顺顺利利快点过掉．

mon dieu, sil vous plait !!!