if i cant have the fullest of it, i rather not have it at all or if it's just a temporary thing i rather it ends here right now.

to wait for an answer is so tiring, i wish there's a beeper that would signal me instead of hanging mid air wondering is this thingy heading forward, turning backwards or stagnant at place. 

but the best decision at this moment is to make an end to it because even if i get an answer, i would need a proof that would make me feel secure. It's a cycle of doubts and insecurity and i see it going no where.