it's been awhile since i last scribbled nonsense...

if asked about life, it has been good so far. many things happened for the past few weeks but its all good for now, life has to move on in regardless of what.

last month i've met up with a couple of long lost friends, they were part of the mlm sort of groups or either that in the invesment line. I've know about their occupation, heck it, i dont care what you work as because you are still a friend to me at the end of the day but be sure not to ''generate'' your sales profit from friendship - thats all i'm asking for.

I think friends should not look at friendship as a way of a truthful test if your friend decided to get an endownment plan from you or join you at your high profile marketing network or not, to me it's always my decision to do what i want and not because i'm your friend and drama the way.

I know i have myself to blame when i met with them (both separate occasions), because the intention was truly obvious. what gets into my nerves the most is the way how they utilized friendship as an object of expanding their business. BULLSHIT to that. I dont expect myself to do such a thing and i expect nothing less from my friends. Why did i meet with them ? because i thought why not just a drink and chat up some past, perhaps meeting up with me wasn't their intention to preach about their sales. Guess i can never live safe with my own instincts because it was so wrong.

The first time i went out with this senior from college, she said she has to make a trip to Uptown for photo shoot and asked if i could accompany her after our drink. We went to this second floor office lot and for cows sake -it's a MLM company. She brought me into different rooms and at last i couldn't take it anymore - i had myself thinking, what good is a friend who can't tell me the truth and this wasn't the second time..it has been countless. I couldn't bother if i would lose her as a friend because the fact is that she never treated me as a friend genuinely. I told her i'm making a move and never thank her for the trip.

The next day, i met with this friend whom i've know for 10years, during my schooling days we had much fun and yes she helped me more than i could asked for. Perhaps i'm being ungrateful to her good deeds, call me a bitch then. . at this point i couldn't care less because i live for a reason and not to pay debts. geddit ? She works for an investment company, so when i knew i'm meeting her for lunch and drinks, i was really excited, the time and opportunity to hang out with old mates are really seldom to come by. While having our drinks, she said she has a plan to share with me, so the sharing rolls. It was quite a pushy situation because she was quite insisting that i get an investment plan for my future, i truly understand her worries for my future but i never expected that it will be such a pushy thing. Plus the plan wasn't as truthful as it turns out to be, honestly i was pretty interested with the plan since it's somewhere along my budget. Once i shared with my mom, she told me to forgo the plan because there were some hidden elements which this friend of mine did not shared honestly with me. anyway, when it comes to $$ who's the better consultant other than my mom and dad. Somehow this friend of mine seems to forgotten that my dad was once an insurance agent who is good at it too. Who's fooling who now ??

I told her i'm not going on with the plan, messages after messages poured in justifying that i SHOULD go on with the plan for my future...yak yak yak. Till the extend that she quoted upon our 10years friendship and draw situtations like : since you were to spend RM6-7 a day for something, why not save it with the plan...yada yada. she even used the phrase '' wasing your money for something...''.

Sigh sigh sigh, as if work has not been enough and now my friends are turning into money sucking machines ? It's purely my own life to live on my own determination and not on someone's advises on i should be successful to start a MLM business and not working for others. Hey, what's wrong with working for companies ? You can have your fair share of your enjoyment of being a boss but it does not applies to everyone around you. I like things steady at times, i like getting paid by others because it's a sort of comfort feeling. Who doesn't think about their future ? Everyone does, we work because we yearn for a better living let it be a luxurious one or a simple one. But i for one don't want to work like a cow and put all my money into a saving/ investment plan, what happens to pampering myself ? what happens to awarding myself ? what happens to living happily ? If all i care is to work and dump all my money to forgo my life ...then please shoot me..please do it. You know how sucky it is when someone tells you that, i feel offended because how i manage my money is my problem and not up to a certain so and so to tell me how to do the math.

Speaking of insurance, some just don't understand the phrase '' i've already gotten myself an insurance''. They will still flush you with their dozen of plans... please la, if you don't want people to dodge off when they see you from far, stop being a pain in the ass. Surpsingly these people are from church, hello... see also never say hi, say hi also respond like a stranger...all of the sudden these people decided to jump on you and ''be'' your friend. Call you la, text you la...Good Job. Wow, all of a sudden there are many people who are concern about my money.... -_-lll

FYI, i studied Tourism and i did my internship at a few agencies but i'm now working in a different field, some people are too deaf to listen when i said i'm not working in travel agency and still giving info to find out how much does a air ticket cost from KUL- Afghanistan. You are busy with your missionary work, well...i'm busy with mine. You are a somewhat leader i used to look up to but now i don't care a sight of you because afterall you did nothing much than occassionaly being ignorant of me so why should i bother helping much ? And a few hi and bye followed by a few heart stabbing words from you...please check the price ticket of KUL- FLY YOUR OWN KITE.

Enough said, friends are more than just a favour, friendships value are higher than your monthly sales, friendship is priceless. You should never call your friend if  :

* You are greedy for sales and force your friends to get your sales close.
* Pushing your friends to join MLM even though your friend has told you many times '' I'm not interested  ''
* Need something and too lazy to find out. Your laziness is not your friends convenience and responsibility.

If you never treat someone as friend, then don't try to be friendly with an intention. You know me when i was young at school/ college/church, i might be blur that time. But growth also means maturity... i have a brain if you dont know, i guess what these people are lacking are their EQ's and sense of sensitivity.

signing off with a smile on a face and empty stomach...need to munch.. yum yum.

the month of June holds quite a number of memories, there's a mixed of sweetness, happiness, laughter, bitterness, a few drops of tears, heart aching moments, surprises, never imagine my heart would beat that fast, loss of sleep, loss of appetite ... every kind of emotions you can imagine, it was jumble up.

it's wasn't a bad month, neither was it a good one but it's the best month i've experienced through out all the years of my life.

there are certain things i've never imagined that i would go through, it comes unexpectedly then again it also went away silently. I still remembered how i prayed every night and my wishes were answered...slowly i stopped and my wishes never happened as well. June was a month of playing squash, if i hit back it bounces..if i stop the ball rolls on the floor.

june has taught me alot about myself, realising what i should be and determine how to be a better person. June made me realised there were so many opportunities in the past which i've missed. I've learned that anger causes no good but evil, a very hefty price to learn something which is so basic and often preached about. On the same week, my anger has took a toll on 2 relationships, for now...one has become slightly better..another has went on a different path. That night i was wondering, what if i have not put anger into my thoughts would everything be better, would we have maintained a jolly good relationship or it was fated for such to happened.

it's kind of pointless for me to think about it because damage has been done, i dont know how to make things work and I dont intend to pray for things to work out because what was meant to be will be. It's also a good start for myself to put things aside and move on with my life, i'm trying not to narrow my views into a single lane...life is a highway. There's more to life than to wait for a flower to blossom. 

what is gone is history which is memories for me, i'm more than happy to keep the happy memories with me. Today i found myself smiling away the day, maybe somewhere inside i've begin to let go of whats not mine anymore, what we cant be means we will remain as friend. So dear friend, i'm moving on with life.. thank you for all the things you've done and said..i cherished the moments ;)

have a good life.

if i cant have the fullest of it, i rather not have it at all or if it's just a temporary thing i rather it ends here right now.

to wait for an answer is so tiring, i wish there's a beeper that would signal me instead of hanging mid air wondering is this thingy heading forward, turning backwards or stagnant at place. 

but the best decision at this moment is to make an end to it because even if i get an answer, i would need a proof that would make me feel secure. It's a cycle of doubts and insecurity and i see it going no where.

got this from an email....

------------ ---DECEMBER BABY ------------ ---
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking
person possible... better than all of these other
months! ---> Highly doubtful

Loyal and generous. ---> not so sure about that

Patriotic. ---> sometimes

Competitive
in everything. ---> definitely not, i dont bother much about wining.

Active in games and interactions. ---> definitely not sports

Impatient and hasty. ----> TRUE enough

Ambitious. ---> Not at all actually

Influential in
organizations. --->ah! if it's so i wont be getting lecture and scoldings from the boss.

Fun to be with. ---> i hope so too

Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. ---> i must say, the hard to understand part is SO true

Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. ---> i think ahead but usually the lame ones

Easily influenced by
kindness. ---> it happens when i'm watching movie la okie

Polite and soft-spoken. ---> i dont think so...ever heard i speak ?

Having lots of
ideas. ---> TRUE enough with lame ones too

Sensitive. ---> true

Active mind. ---> true, if not how to i think of lame jokes ?

Hesitating, tends to
delay. ---> triple the true-ness

Choosy and always wants the best. ---> not really

Temperamental. ----> true

Funny and humorous.  ----> hmmm...i think so

Loves to
joke. ---> are you kidding me ?

Good debating skills. ---> cannot be, i think this belongs to my mom

Has that someone
always on his/her mind. ---> who doesn't ?

Talkative. ---> okay, true.

Daydreamer. ---> very true too

Friendly ---> i think so

. Knows how to make friends. ---> i dont KNOW how to make friends but i do talk and greet.

Abiding. ---> you can call me a chicken la...

Able to show character.one guy/girl kind of
person.  ---> ???

Loveable. ---> i seriously dont know

Easily hurt. ---> obviously yes from all the countless bruises -_-

Prone to getting
colds. ---> not really..

loves music.---> who doesn;t ?

 

it was many years ago, but memories are still fresh and i'm missing it badly ...